The Dryer

Hello Funny One here. In today’s cartoon I’ve managed to get the chocolate stain out. Well anyways, I’ll finish here for now.

#162 Funny Twits Part 20

It’s Chocolate, Not Poo

Hello Funny One here. In today’s cartoon everyone has noticed that I sat on chocolate but they all think it’s poo. Hehehehehehe! Never wear white trousers. They’ll only get dirty.

#161 Funny Twits Part 19

Rodion’s Prank

Hello Funny One here. In today’s cartoon Rodion has put a bar of chocolate on the sofa. I’m wearing white trousers and don’t see it and sit on it. Hehehehehe!

#160 Funny Twits Part 18

Mormon Dress Code

Hello Funny One here. The world would be a really scary place if we all followed the “Mormon dress code.” And they are very strict. Here are some pictures of “Mormon approved clothes” and clothes are deemed “evil”. There is only one Mormon in these pictures and it’s not me!

In the “Modest Clothing” picture, you see I’m wearing an ugly brown dress. It looks like a sack of potatoes. There’s nothing good about it. I wouldn’t wear it even if I was given a million pounds. According to the “MDC”, all females must wear modest clothing at all times and never dress attractively as it “shows weakness for them to attract a male with her looks,“ and she should “use her mind to attract a man.” Does that mean using telepathic thoughts? I’m pretty sure that’ll never work (unless they know something and aren’t telling us!) A strapless gown is considered “evil” as it reveals too much flesh. It’s slutty to show off your shoulders. No Mormon women would ever be allowed to wear such “slutwear” It is most definitely unapproved. Men also have to follow the rules, too. In the “Modest Clothing” pic, the blonde Mormon is wearing a modest suit, which consists of a boring shirt and tie. Don’t get me started on the pants. These are pleated pants with self-belt are in the color poo.

In the picture of “Evil clothing” I’m wearing the “forbidden clothes”: hot pants, a spaghetti strap top with some cleavage on show and bright lipstick. I know what you’re thinking – that is so evil! I look like a dictator, or maybe even Satan! The rules for how women are to dress are absolutely NO skirts above the knee, absolutely NO cleavage and NEVER wear a spaghetti strap top, bikinis are never allowed, NO make up, NO heels over 3 inches and only buy clothes from your local thrift stores. I take it they don’t visit San Francisco much. What about the non-Mormon, in the “Evil Clothing” picture? He is wearing tight shorts, clearly showing off what package he has. The huge bulge in his shorts will “give females thoughts of a sexual nature.”, just as his t-shirt, with the slogan “Let’s get physical” would, too. Mormons would think he is implying he wants to have sex and that is “extremely evil.” Regarding grooming rules, men should keep their faces shaved, hair kept conservative and combed, and they must have clean nails. The unapproved Mormon haircut is to have wild shaggy hair which would tempt a woman. I can’t deny it, I would be very tempted. Hehehehe! The rules on the male dress code are that sometimes males can be scantily clad, however that is only acceptable when swimming. Remember, there is no reason why a man should be half naked before people. They will only have one thing on their minds – fornication.

As for underwear, the picture “Mormon Lingerie” shows me in some ugly, baggy, non-flattering underwear. I imagine it would be a nightmare to wear this stuff in the summer, you’ll be soaked in sweat. Yucky and smelly! They look so ugly. I wonder that if they buy all their clothes from thrift stores, would they also buy their underwear from there, too? That is just wrong! There is no way I’m buying used underpants. That’s disgusting! Someone farted in those panties! Yucky! Now back to the “Mormon Lingerie” picture. The Mormon is wearing the most ugly underwear I’ve ever seen in my life. Who the hell invented them? I want to know what they were thinking. I can’t look at it. It’s impossible for me to make a joke of them or even describe them. Words fail me right now.

In the “Devil’s Underwear” I’m wearing normal underwear which they would consider “very evil.” But those panties do look good. I think I’ll have to buy a pair of them. What about the non-Mormon, wearing normal underpants? The Mormon would think they were “sinful.” They’re definitely not evil, they’re just very distracting. I think they look great on him. I don’t know why they make such a big deal about underwear. Nobody can see what underwear a person is wearing with their clothes on.

Well anyways, I’ll finish here for now.

What are the Funniest Books?

Hello Funny One here. I just discovered the Bastarde books. Serge Bastarde Ate My Baguette: On the Road in Real Rural France and Son of Serge Bastarde: Mayhem in the Antiques Markets of Rural France. The first book, Serge Bastarde Ate My Baguette, John, who moves to France to start up as an antiques dealer, but he doesn’t count on meeting Serge Bastarde. The lovable rogue and brocanteur (secondhand goods dealer) offers to teach John the tricks of the trade in return for help in a series of corrupt schemes. As the pair travel through markets and farmhouses, they con hearty lunches from old peasants and get into scrapes with priceless collectibles. The book is filled with eccentric characters and unlikely adventures, this is a hilarious romp through the real rural France. The son of Serge Bastarde is about John’s unscrupulous yet affable partner in crime, Serge Bastarde, marries and moves to Martinique. But, like a bad penny, Serge returns, his personal life in ruins. What follows is a chaotic adventure which sees John being coerced into striking deals with the Romanian ‘mafia¡’, re-roofing a huge Basque house and getting trapped in a skip in the dead of night, while Serge rides an emotional roller coaster. Serge may be as fake as some of his antiques but, with John’s help, he eventually strikes gold in this laugh-out-loud romp. It makes me wonder if there are any other good funny books out there. I wouldn’t mind knowing. What are the funniest books? Well I love the Diary Of A Wimpy Kid series. So funny. Captain Underpants. George and Harold hypnotize their headteacher and accidentally create the greatest superhero in the history of their school — Captain Underpants! His real identity is so super secret that even HE doesn’t know who he is… but he’s fighting for truth, justice, and all things pre-shrunk and cottony!! Captain Underpants has wedgie-power on his side, and he’s coming your way! Super Diaper Baby is also super funny. A man is turned into a poo. I don’t know whats more funny than that? The Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists is also a great book. It’s 1837, and the luxuriantly bearded Pirate Captain and his pirate crew, life on the high seas has gotten a little dull. They get bored and decide it’s time fort another adventure. A surprisingly successful boat raid leads them to the young Charles Darwin, in desperate need of their help. The pirates go to London in a bid to save the scientist from the evil machinations of an evil Bishop. I loved the movie. In the movie the Queen of England is in it instead of the evil bishop. Also another funny book is “The Twits” by Roald Dahl. Mr and Mrs Twit are extremely mean, so the Muggle-Wump monkeys and the Roly-Poly bird hatch a clever plan to give them just the horrifying surprise they deserve! J K Rowling’s new novel “The Casual Vacancy” is a dark comedy. I haven’t read it but I’ll be reading it soon. What are the funniest books? If anyone knows of any good humor books then I would love to know about them. Anyways, I thought as I’m writing about funny books I thought I would turn myself into a wimpy kid character. I also turned Andy Samberg into one too. Hehehehe!