PANDA-MONIUM!!!

Hello Funny One here. Scotland’s First Minister, Alex Salmond, is having some furry big problems. And, no, not with his hairy pits, but with the pandas from China that are now living in Edinburgh Zoo. Both countries made a deal hoping that the pandas would mate and would increase their population (plus, he’s secretly hoping to make some extra cash from tourists.) Well, what do you know? They refuse to mate. Salmond is now going to extreme measures to try to get them to do it.

Exhibit A:
Salmond decides a movie might help get things moving along and decides to let them watch one of the cheesiest romantic movies available, “The Vow.” By viewing humans getting it on should have get things hot and steamy for the pandas, making them want to mate. The pandas get bored and start to fight.

Exhibit B:
OK, so romantic movies don’t work. Well, how about something really dirty and filthy! Salmond picks up a copy of his favorite book, “Fifty Shades of Grey” and reads to the pandas. Wild animals will surely like this, with him talking dirty. They’ll be mating in no time. The only thing that happens is that it makes him want to jump on them more!

Exhibit C:
Maybe a romantic meal with a little candlelight might work. Salmond buys a candle with the word “Celebrate!” printed on the side to celebrate their mating, but he doesn’t realize the word on the candle is actually “Celibate”. Does this work? No. Why would a candle work?

Exhibit D:
OK, well maybe the pandas are more visual. Salmond thinks that by giving the female panda a make-over to look like Julia Roberts in “Pretty Woman“, the male panda won’t be able to resist her and jump on her, just like he secretly wants to. Alex Salmond is really obsessed with hookers and pandas. His biggest sex fantasy is to have a threesome with a hooker and a panda, however I’m sure he’ll love this better – a hooker panda.

Exhibit E
Now getting super-desperate at this stage, Salmond will do anything and I mean anything, and starts to strip naked for them. (It doesn’t help that he’s doing it to Justin Bieber’s latest CD playing in the background) He actually thinks that when they see the sight of his crotch, it will turn them on, and soon come thoughts to him that he might look too good and they might want to have sex with him instead! (In his dreams!)

Exhibit F
Now with the idea of him being the ultimate sex-god, deciding that the pandas want him instead of each other, he now wants a threesome. Plus, he really wants to know what it’s like to have sex with not just one but two pandas. And they’d get to know what it’s like sleeping with the ultimate “sex machine.” Yuck! No one would want him!

In conclusion, Alex Salmond proves here that no matter how desperate one may be, they can’t make pandas mate. Anyways I’ll finish here for now.

I’m On A Boat Finale

Hello Funny One here. I’ve done another funny one cartoon. The last of the boat series. 37 parts to that series. I sneaked on a ship and hid in Johnny’s closet. He let me stay in his room. I even ate his dinner which was a pie. Mmmm pie. I borrowed his pajamas which were too big for me. I slept in the bed while he slept on the sofa. What a nice man he is. In the morning I went to the bathroom and saw him naked in the shower. As I left the bathroom a crazy man puts a gun in my face. He has my passport. There are more crazy men on the ship. They even take my bag away with them. Johnny says they’re up to something big and he’ll stop them. That evening he takes me out to dinner. A waiter gives him a secret note. He goes into some man’s room while I wait outside with a gadget. I’m supposed to press a button if I see the man coming along the corridor. He comes along and shoves me and I drop the gadget and it breaks. He goes into the room. Johnny is in there. The bald man is holding a gun up at Johnny and he is holding a Justin Bieber CD. Johnny opens the case and the Disc goes flying out and slits the bald mans throat and then it flies straight into a speaker where it gets stuck. While in the room I find my bag. There are maps and CD’s in there. Johnny think’s they’re going to frame me for the murders they are going to commit. Johnny gets a list of everyone on the ship to find out more about these crazy men. It takes forever typing in all the names. The targets for the CD killings are a movie premiere, the Empire State Building, the White House and the NBC Building. The crazy men are Joe Joe Cherenko, Billy Adams, Fred Green and Buddy Jones. We go of to find them. I even get to carry a gun. Fred threatens us with a Justin Bieber CD. It’s not one of the killing CD’s it’s just a Justin Bieber album. We both drop our guns. Fred tries to use Johnny’s gun. It’s a special sensory gun that only works if Johnny holds it. The crazy men turn up and hit us over the heads. We are both tied up in different rooms. Finally Johnny finds me. I’m handcuffed to a pipe. johnny can’t find a key so he uses an axe. The day when we arrive in America. Me and Johnny catch Joe Joe Chernenko and Fred Green. We then split up to find the last two. Johnny goes after Billy while I look for Buddy. Johnny Shoots Billy in the foot and then handcuffs him. I try to catch Buddy but he round house kicks me and ties me up.

#48 I’m On A Boat Part 37

Johnny finds me. He punches Buddy and handcuffs him to the pipe and frees me. Well I hope you liked the ending to the series. My favorite one to do was part 4.

I’m Still On The Boat

I think it’s the funniest one I’ve done and the best drawing, but that’s just me. What do you think of my cartoons? I would like to know what people think of them. Are they good or bad? Whatever you think, leave a comment on my page. Anyways, I’ll finish here for now.

Funny One’s Almost In America

Hello Funny One here with another funny one cartoon. Not long to go till it’s over.

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Almost in America. Will Johnny stop those crazy men? Or will they get off the boat and kill with their Justin Bieber CD’s? Is anyone reading this a Justin Bieber fan? Will I get to stay in America? The ending will be soon but will it be a good one? Find out soon. Anyways, I’ll finish here for tonight.

Funny One Returns

Hello Funny One here with another Funny One cartoon. I haven’t done one for about three days so I don’t know if it’s any good. Well here it is. I hope you like it.

#38 I’m On A Boat Part 27

The Assassination Plot

Hello Funny One here. Today the shops were awful. They’re were a lot of rude people. In the pound shop, a woman even shoved me just to get to the socks. It’s not that exciting. Anyways, I drew another funny one cartoon.

#33  I’m On A Boat Part 22

So now we know the places the crazy men want to kill. A movie premiere, the Empire State Building, the White House and the NBC building. But why would anyone listen to Justin Bieber music? The crazy men tried to get on SNL? What will we find out about these crazy men? Maybe you’ll find out tomorrow. Anyways, I’ll finish here for tonight.

Day 3 On The Ship

Hello Funny One here. Today me and my sister (Miss Loca) went to the Christmas market.  We were eating some Greek pastry and had some hot chocolate. We meet an Italian man. We talked with him for a bit. He is visiting Britain, he’s from Sicily. He asked our names. He thought I said my name was Cindy. My names not Cindy.

#31  I’m On A Boat Part 20

Johnny has the list of everyone on the boat  (who bought a ticket), The flying CD’s are made to kill. Who to kill? Who are the crazy men? Why a Justin Bieber CD? Find out more tomorrow. I’ll finish here for now.

What Did The Funny One Find?

Hello Funny One here. I’ve done another cartoon. I don’t know if they’re funny or not. What did I find? Is it something really big and important or irrelevant? You’ll find that out in the cartoon. Back to yesterday’s question, why do people buy Justin Bieber CD’s? That question will be left unanswered. I have no idea. Anyways, back to the cartoon. I’m having a good look around this mans room. Will I find something? Are there more flying CD’s?

#29 I’m On A Boat Part 18

What’s in the bag? And it’s not a pie. You’ll find out what’s in there, tomorrow. I’ll finish here for now.

Stop, Or I’ll Shoot

Hello Funny One here. I did more of my rewriting of my novel. I can’t wait to finish, then I can start on the sequel. I hope it gets made into a movie. I would obviously want to be in it. That would be super cool! Most books get turned into movies. I also did another Funny One cartoon. In the cartoon you’ll find a good use for a Justin Bieber CD. I don’t actually own one. What will happen next? Come back tomorrow to find out. I hope you like the Funny One cartoon. Anyways, I’ll just leave it here for now.

#27  I’m On A Boat Part 16

Wild Tarrrrrget!

Hello, It’s me – the Funny One. I’ve almost finished my funny pictures for the funny newspaper. I’ll be done tomorrow. Hooray!

Ok, today’s state is South Carolina. In the pic, I’m hugging a tiger. There is a T.I.G.E.R. Preservation Station, which is a free-living tiger exhibit. It raises money for the rarest tigers on Earth – the Golden Tabby tiger. It’s your chance to see the world’s rarest tigers up close and free from cages. You will be able to see Siberian Tigers, Bengal Tigers, Royal White Bengal Tigers and even the Golden Tabby Tiger. If you love wild animals, then you’ll also want to visit the Alligator Adventure. You’ll find yourself face to face with some really ferocious and magnificent animals.

What about fun events? There’s the Greek Festival. They are held January through November in America. Delicious Greek food, music, dancing and much entertainment.  That sounds like so much fun! “Opa!” There’s also the Beach, Boogie & BBQ Festival. Boogie and eat. Sounds good.

How about the restaurants? I found some that sound good, such as The Hank’s Seafood Restaurant which recreates Classic Charleston Fish House with an old-fashioned saloon-style bar and an exhibition raw bar. There’s also the FIG Restaurant, which stands for “Food Is Good”. I agree with that! The Bocci’s Italian Restaurant looks great! Also, they have Chianti – my favorite wine! The Joe Pasta also have Chianti. I would have a pizza and a Chianti.

What about some interesting things to do? There’s the Design and Wine. That’s where you drink wine and paint. Just don’t get the wine and the paint water mixed up. That won’t taste good. The Adluh Flour Mills, the Home of Adluh flour, where quality products have been milled there since 1900 and it’s located in the Historic Congaree Vista. The blinking neon sign has become a cultural icon for the City of Columbia. Explore the traditions of Allen Brothers Milling Company and learn more about the products that they proudly produce.

What about visiting the Patriots Point Naval & Maritime museum, and learn all about the Navy. The Columbia Marionette theater, where this summer are performing the classic story of Pinocchio. If you love weird then you’ll love the Believe It or Not! Odditorium. You can see a lot of weird and freaky things like a Tibetan Skull Mask, a 6-legged cow, a genuine shrunken head and a Justin Bieber Album. My favorite place I’d want to visit is the Sweeties Sweets candy store.  They have yummy chocolates. Mmmmm chocolates. http://www.sweetiessweets.com/