Guantanamo Bay Petition

Hello Funny One here. Today I’ve drawn a picture of funny one at gitmo. Here’s a link for the petition.

http://www.change.org/petitions/president-obama-close-detention-facility-at-guantanamo-bay-3?utm_source=supporter_message&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=petition_message_notice

Prisoners released from the Guantanamo bay camp have said that there was mistreatment of religion including flushing the Quran down the toilet, defacing the Quran, writing things on the Quran, tearing pages out of the Quran and denying copies of the Quran to the detainees.

Three British Muslim prisoners, “Tipton Three”, have said that there was ongoing torture, sexual degradation, forced drugging and religious persecution being committed by U.S. forces at Guantánamo Bay.

The former Guantanamo detainee Mehdi Ghezali was freed without charge on 9 July 2004, after two and a half years imprisonment. Ghezali has said that he was the victim of repeated torture. Omar Deghayes said he was blinded by pepper spray during his detention. Juma Al Dossary said he was interrogated hundreds of times, beaten, tortured with broken glass, barbed wire, burning cigarettes and sexual assaults. David Hicks also said he was tortured and mistreated in Guantánamo Bay, this included sensory deprivation, stress positions, having his head slammed into concrete, routine sleep deprivation and forced drug injections.

Hunger-striking detainees have said that guards were force feeding them in the fall of 2005: “Detainees said large feeding tubes were forcibly shoved up their noses and down into their stomachs, with guards using the same tubes from one patient to another. The detainees say no sedatives were provided during these procedures, which they allege took place in front of U.S. physicians, including the head of the prison hospital.” “A hunger striking detainee at Guantánamo Bay wants a judge to order the removal of his feeding tube so he can be allowed to die, one of his lawyers has said.” Within a few weeks, the Department of Defense “extended an invitation to United Nations Special Rapporteurs to visit detention facilities at Guantanamo Bay Naval Station.” This was rejected by the U.N. because of the DOD restrictions: “that the three human rights officials invited to Guantánamo Bay wouldn’t be allowed to conduct private interviews” with the prisoners.

In 2005, it was reported that sexual methods were used by female interrogators to break Muslim prisoners.

Despair at extended imprisonment without trial and vagueness of their futures led prisoners to start a widespread hunger strike in May 2013. They are being force fed. During the month of Ramadan that year, the US military claimed that the amount of detainees on hunger strike had dropped from 106 to 81. But according to defense attorney Clive Stafford Smith, “The military are cheating on the numbers as usual. Some detainees are taking a token amount of food as part of the traditional breaking of the fast at the end of each day in Ramadan, so that is now conveniently allowing them to be counted as not striking.”

Many of the released prisoners have complained of persistent beatings, sleep deprivation, prolonged constraint in uncomfortable positions, prolonged hooding, sexual and cultural humiliation, forced injections and other physical and psychological maltreatment during their detention in Camp Delta.

Mohammed al-Qahtani, nicknamed the “20th hijacker of 9/11” was refused entry at Orlando, Florida Airport. That stopped him from his plan to take part in the 9/11 attacks. During his Guantánamo interrogations he was given 3 1/2 bags IV fluid and then he was forbidden to use the toilet and forcing him to soil himself. Some accounts of the treatment that he received are as follows: Water is poured over the detainee. Interrogations start at Midnight and it last 12 hours. When he falls asleep he is then woken up by American pop music and water. Female personnel tries to humiliate and upset him, which is successful. A military dog is used to intimidate him. The soldiers would play the American anthem and force him to salute. They stick pictures of 9/11 victims to him. He is forced to bark like a dog. His beard and hair are shaved. He is stripped nude. Fake menstrual blood is smeared at him and he is forced to wear a women’s bra. Some of the abuses were documented in 2005, when the Interrogation Log of al-Qathani “Detainee 063” was partially published.

The book, Inside the Wire by Erik Saar and Viveca Novak, claims the abuse of prisoners. Saar, a former U.S. soldier at Guantánamo, repeated allegations that a female interrogator ridiculed prisoners sexually and in one occasion wiped what seemed to be menstrual blood on the detainee. Other instances of beatings by the immediate reaction force (IRF) have been reported in the book.

In an interview with CNN’s Wolf Blitzer in June 2005, Dick Cheney defended the treatment of prisoners at Guantánamo:
“There isn’t any other nation in the world that would treat people who were determined to kill Americans the way we’re treating these people. They’re living in the tropics. They’re well fed. They’ve got everything they could possibly want.”

Former President Jimmy Carter criticized the methods used to obtain confessions: “…some of the few being tried (only in military courts) have been tortured by waterboarding more than 100 times or intimidated with semiautomatic weapons, power drills or threats to sexually assault their mothers. Astoundingly, these facts cannot be used as a defense by the accused, because the government claims they occurred under the cover of “national security”.

It’s disgusting that they defaced the Quran. That’s a holy book. I am offended by this and also if someone were to deface the bible. That happened in Glasgow, Scotland in 2009. It was at an art exhibition. Here’s a link to a news article so you can see it.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1201568/Art-exhibition-encourages-visitors-deface-Bible.html

Also I’m of course against torture. It doesn’t matter what religion a person is, you shouldn’t torture them. It’s never right. Dick Cheney claims that, “They’ve got everything they could possibly want.” What? Being blinded by pepper spray, beaten, tortured with broken glass, barbed wire, burning cigarettes, sleep deprivation, prolonged hooding, sexual and cultural humiliation, forced injections, being stripped nude, intimidated with semiautomatic weapons, power drills or threats to sexually assault their mothers. But it’s ok because Dick Cheney says so. But let’s not forget who opened Guantanamo Bay Detention. That was George W. Bush.

Anyways, I’ll be saying my prayer for all affected by prison.

The Prisoners Week Prayer

Lord, you offer freedom to all people.
We pray for those who are held in prison.
Break the bonds of fear and isolation that exist.
Support with your love: prisoners, their families and friends,
prison staff, chaplains and all who care.
Heal those who have been wounded by the activities of others,
especially the victims of crime.
Help us to forgive one another, to act justly, to love mercy,
and walk humbly together with Christ
in his strength and in his Spirit,
now and every day.
Amen.

funnyone - guantanamo bay

PANDA-MONIUM!!!

Hello Funny One here. Scotland’s First Minister, Alex Salmond, is having some furry big problems. And, no, not with his hairy pits, but with the pandas from China that are now living in Edinburgh Zoo. Both countries made a deal hoping that the pandas would mate and would increase their population (plus, he’s secretly hoping to make some extra cash from tourists.) Well, what do you know? They refuse to mate. Salmond is now going to extreme measures to try to get them to do it.

Exhibit A:
Salmond decides a movie might help get things moving along and decides to let them watch one of the cheesiest romantic movies available, “The Vow.” By viewing humans getting it on should have get things hot and steamy for the pandas, making them want to mate. The pandas get bored and start to fight.

funnyone - panda6

Exhibit B:
OK, so romantic movies don’t work. Well, how about something really dirty and filthy! Salmond picks up a copy of his favorite book, “Fifty Shades of Grey” and reads to the pandas. Wild animals will surely like this, with him talking dirty. They’ll be mating in no time. The only thing that happens is that it makes him want to jump on them more!

funnyone - panda3

Exhibit C:
Maybe a romantic meal with a little candlelight might work. Salmond buys a candle with the word “Celebrate!” printed on the side to celebrate their mating, but he doesn’t realize the word on the candle is actually “Celibate”. Does this work? No. Why would a candle work?

funnyone - panda5

Exhibit D:
OK, well maybe the pandas are more visual. Salmond thinks that by giving the female panda a make-over to look like Julia Roberts in “Pretty Woman“, the male panda won’t be able to resist her and jump on her, just like he secretly wants to. Alex Salmond is really obsessed with hookers and pandas. His biggest sex fantasy is to have a threesome with a hooker and a panda, however I’m sure he’ll love this better – a hooker panda.

funnyone - panda1

Exhibit E
Now getting super-desperate at this stage, Salmond will do anything and I mean anything, and starts to strip naked for them. (It doesn’t help that he’s doing it to Justin Bieber’s latest CD playing in the background) He actually thinks that when they see the sight of his crotch, it will turn them on, and soon come thoughts to him that he might look too good and they might want to have sex with him instead! (In his dreams!)

funnyone - panda2

Exhibit F
Now with the idea of him being the ultimate sex-god, deciding that the pandas want him instead of each other, he now wants a threesome. Plus, he really wants to know what it’s like to have sex with not just one but two pandas. And they’d get to know what it’s like sleeping with the ultimate “sex machine.” Yuck! No one would want him!

funnyone - panda4

In conclusion, Alex Salmond proves here that no matter how desperate one may be, they can’t make pandas mate. Anyways I’ll finish here for now.

Funny One – Happy New Year

Hello funny One here. Happy New Year! It’s not that great in Scotland. Always the same every year. It’s like the cloned one news years party and they keep spinning it out every year. They always have on a lame comedy show. You can never tell who the fuck he’s supposed to be. There’s always the dull and boring songs. Why don’t they sing something more cheerful? Do I have a new years resolution? To do more comedy writing. At least something small everyday. Well I’m not going to get to America by doing nothing. Anyways, The picture is of me with a large glass of champagne. I wouldn’t mind one that big! Well anyways, I’ll finish here for now. Happy New Year!

funnyone - happy new year

Movie Review – Skyfall

Hello Funny One here. I didn’t have time today to do the Funny One cartoon. I’ll do it tomorrow. Anyways, Today me and my sister went to the cinema to see the movie “Skyfall”.  Bond’s mission is to get back a computer drive that has a list of British agents. He goes after the man and  Eve, an agent sent to assist Bond has them anciently shoots Bond. He falls into the river and is believed to be dead. A few months later,  M is she has to retire but she refuses to leave till the matter is resolved. as she returns to HQ to work on it, there’s an explosion. Bond returns, he hadn’t died, he was in hiding. He eventually learns that the man who has the computer drive, is someone from M’s past and who has it in for her. I thought the movie was great! Javier Bardem was great. It was so funny the scene where he feels James bonds thighs. Daniel Craig  and Judi Dench were great as well. I think everyone should see this movie. I think Javier Bardem should win an oscar for his performance in it. Anyways I give this movie 5 stars.

*****

I’m Your Venus – I’m Your Fire!

Hello, It’s the Funny One here. I’m doing the planets now but I’ll also be doing some random stuff on my blog (not everyday will be the same idea). Today’s picture is of Venus. I’m running away from the lightning. On June 5th, Venus passed directly between the Earth and the sun, and was seen as a small dot gliding slowly across the face of the sun. Historically, this rare alignment is how they measured the size of our solar system. I never saw that. You never see anything cool like that in Scotland. Anyways, because Venus and the Earth are almost the same size, you would actually weigh almost exact same on either planet. If you weighed 70 pounds (32 kg) on Earth, then you would weigh 63 pounds (29 kg ) on Venus. Venus is actually a dim world of very intense heat and volcanic activity. It’s very similar in structure and size to Earth. Venus’ thick, toxic atmosphere traps heat in a runaway “greenhouse effect.” The scorched planet has temperatures hot enough to melt even lead. The surface of Venus is a dry landscape with slab-like rocks and periodically refreshed by volcanism.

Free the Funny One!

Hello, the Funny One back again. Not much has happened today. I feel like I’m trapped in Scotland. There is just nothing here. The people are so negative. I feel like I’m getting nowhere, It’s like I’m stuck in Alcatraz. I guess I need Clint Eastwood to help me escape. I have no idea what to do to get out of this country. If only you could just leave whenever you felt like it. I would need money, lots of it or get a job in America. Both seem very impossible right now.

Image