Hello Funny One here. I’ve had a slight glitch with my blog, but it’s all sorted now and I’m back! Hurrah! What did I do on my two days off? Set up a Funny One website, eat some chocolate easter eggs, make cotton candy, some whittling, do some more rewriting, build a pyramid out of sugar cubes, dress up as a clown, bake some cup cakes and dance.
#104 Funny One And The Chocolate Factory Part 4
Hello Funny One here. Today I did more of my writing. I’ve almost finished chapter 6. I only have two paragraphs to check over. I can’t wait to finish it but I don’t want to at the same time. I’m really enjoying doing my writing. Well I’m definitely doing a second book after this one. It’ll be a follow-up to this book. Anyways I did another funny one cartoon. It’s part 13. I hope you like it. Here it is.
#89 Titanic – Ship Of Dreams Part 13
I’ve used the rat to cause a diversion and snuck into first class to see Mr Funny.
Hello Funny One here. Scotland’s First Minister, Alex Salmond, is having some furry big problems. And, no, not with his hairy pits, but with the pandas from China that are now living in Edinburgh Zoo. Both countries made a deal hoping that the pandas would mate and would increase their population (plus, he’s secretly hoping to make some extra cash from tourists.) Well, what do you know? They refuse to mate. Salmond is now going to extreme measures to try to get them to do it.
Exhibit A:
Salmond decides a movie might help get things moving along and decides to let them watch one of the cheesiest romantic movies available, “The Vow.” By viewing humans getting it on should have get things hot and steamy for the pandas, making them want to mate. The pandas get bored and start to fight.
Exhibit B:
OK, so romantic movies don’t work. Well, how about something really dirty and filthy! Salmond picks up a copy of his favorite book, “Fifty Shades of Grey” and reads to the pandas. Wild animals will surely like this, with him talking dirty. They’ll be mating in no time. The only thing that happens is that it makes him want to jump on them more!
Exhibit C:
Maybe a romantic meal with a little candlelight might work. Salmond buys a candle with the word “Celebrate!” printed on the side to celebrate their mating, but he doesn’t realize the word on the candle is actually “Celibate”. Does this work? No. Why would a candle work?
Exhibit D:
OK, well maybe the pandas are more visual. Salmond thinks that by giving the female panda a make-over to look like Julia Roberts in “Pretty Woman“, the male panda won’t be able to resist her and jump on her, just like he secretly wants to. Alex Salmond is really obsessed with hookers and pandas. His biggest sex fantasy is to have a threesome with a hooker and a panda, however I’m sure he’ll love this better – a hooker panda.
Exhibit E
Now getting super-desperate at this stage, Salmond will do anything and I mean anything, and starts to strip naked for them. (It doesn’t help that he’s doing it to Justin Bieber’s latest CD playing in the background) He actually thinks that when they see the sight of his crotch, it will turn them on, and soon come thoughts to him that he might look too good and they might want to have sex with him instead! (In his dreams!)
Exhibit F
Now with the idea of him being the ultimate sex-god, deciding that the pandas want him instead of each other, he now wants a threesome. Plus, he really wants to know what it’s like to have sex with not just one but two pandas. And they’d get to know what it’s like sleeping with the ultimate “sex machine.” Yuck! No one would want him!
In conclusion, Alex Salmond proves here that no matter how desperate one may be, they can’t make pandas mate. Anyways I’ll finish here for now.
Hello Funny One here and I’m going to talk about the Oscars. Best film went to Argo. Haven’t seen it. I’ve only seen 3 of out of the 9 movies nominated for best picture. I thought Lincoln was going to win. Best director went to Ang Lee for Life of Pi. That a great movie too. Best actor went to Daniel Day-Lewis for Lincoln. I’m so glad that Daniel Day-Lewis won best actor. He deserved it. He’s the first actor to win three Oscars. I’m disappointed that Lincoln didn’t win more awards. Best actress went to Jennifer Lawrence for Silver Linings Playbook. I thought she would win. Best supporting actor went to Christoph Waltz for Django Unchained. He was really good in Django Unchained. It was very different to his role in Inglourious Basterds. He’s a really great actor. Best supporting actress went to Anne Hathaway for Les Misérables. It was obvious she was going to win. Best foreign language film went to Amour. The only film I saw that was nominated was No. Best animated feature film went to Brave. Boring. Best original screenplay went to Django Unchained by Quentin Tarantino. That script was amazing. I’d love to be in one of his movies. But who wouldn’t though? Best adapted screenplay went to Argo by Chris Terrio. Best original score went to Life Of Pi. It was a really good soundtrack. Best original song went to Skyfall by Adele. Not a bad song. Cinematography went to Life Of Pi. I can see why it won. Editing went to Argo. Production design went to Lincoln. Well two Oscars are better than none. But Lincoln deserved more though. Costume design went to Anna Karenina. Boring. Sound editing went to Zero Dark Thirty and Skyfall. I didn’t know that two could win. Sound mixing went to Les Misérables. The sound wasn’t that great. Special Visual Effects went to Life Of Pi. They were great special effects. Make-up and hair went to Les Misérables. Why? Short animation went to Paperman. Documentary short subject went to Inocente. Short film went to Curfew. Documentary went to Searching For Sugarman. I got that one right. Well anyways I’ll finish here for now.
Hello Funny One here. It’s sad to hear about the death of Patrick Moore. My mom likes to watch the “Sky at night”, so she was upset by the news. Before writing my blog I watched the Expendables movie on TV. It’s so good. I can’t wait to watch the second one again. Today I drew another funny one cartoon.
#35 I’m On A Boat Part 24
Joe Joe Cherenko, a Russian/Swedish rock star and Billy Adams, a butcher who likes poetry. Find out about the other two crazy men tomorrow. Anyways, I’ll finish here for tonight.
Hello Funny One here. The US Elections are soon, Mitt Romney’s a Mormon. Do we know anything about the Mormons? They have some crazy beliefs. Here are some of them.
10. Mormons have to pay one-tenth of all their interest annually.
9. No coffee, no drugs, no tobacco.
8. Apparently everyone on Earth has a spirit in the pre-existence. When you die, your spirit is separated from your body. If you were good you would go to “spirit paradise.” If you were bad you would go to “spirit prison.” The spirit world exists as a place for spirits to go while awaiting the second coming.
7. Almost everyone who knows anything about the Mormon religion knows they have a prophet. What many don’t know, is anything that the prophet says in official capacity is considered official canon.
6. The Mormons believe that Jesus visited America.
5. Mormons believe that God, Jesus and resurrected beings have bodies of “flesh and bone.”
4. In the LDS religion any worthy male can be given the priesthood and is given specific duties. Black people were not allowed to have the priesthood until 1978. Females are not allowed to have the priesthood.
3. Mormons believe that there are three heavens: the Celestial Kingdom, Terrestrial Kingdom, and Telestial Kingdom. The Celestial is the highest, where God and the ones who followed his law reside. The Terrestrial is the middle, where people who followed the Law of Moses reside. The Telestial is the lowest, where the ones who followed carnal law reside.
2. Mormons believe that you can be forgiven for any sin, save two. First, denying the Holy Spirit, and second, murder. Also, God is infinitely forgiving, until the second coming. After that, you end up where you end up, no matter what. There are no second chances. Period.
1. Mormons believe that God created multiple worlds and each world has people living on it. They also believe that multiple gods exist but each has their own universe. We are only subject to our God and if we obtain the highest level of heaven we can become gods ourselves.
Crazy. Anyways, I’ll leave it here for now.
funnyone2012 