The Oompa-Loompas

Hello Funny One here. I did a bit of my rewrite today. About a page. I’ll do more tomorrow. Somehow time just flies past and you haven’t done as much as you would have liked to have. Or is that just me? Hopefully I can do more tomorrow. Anyways I did another funny one cartoon. Hope you like it.

#114 Funny One And The Chocolate Factory Part 14

Dudley has gone up the pipe. Where is he now? The Oompa-Loompas are going to help Dudley’s mom. What will happen next? You already know! Well anyways I hope you like them. I’m going to finish here for tonight. I’ll be back tomorrow with the next cartoon.

Movie Review – Welcome To The Punch

Hello Funny One here. Today I went to the cinema with my sister to see the movie Welcome To The Punch. It’s about a former criminal, Jacob Sternwood (Mark Strong) He is forced to return to London from his Icelandic hideaway when his son is mixed up in a heist that had gone wrong. This gives detective Max Lewinsky (James McAvoy) one last chance at catching the man that he has always been after. As they face off, they start to discover a deeper conspiracy they both need to work out in order to survive… It’s a really good movie. The actors are really good. I thought the scene where Jacob finds his son was really well acted. Andrea Riseborough was good too. She doesn’t do cliché roles, she does different ones. I would give this movie 5 stars.

*****

St Patrick’s Day

Hello Funny One here. It was St Patrick’s day when I drew the Funny One cartoons. I’ve done 2 today. There’s some irish dancing in one of them. I hope you like them.

#86 Titanic – Ship Of Dreams Part 9

Titanic – Ship Of Dreams Part 10

You finally see the dress, we eat salmon, I give him a note – Make it count, Meet me at the clock, we go to steerage for the party, drink some beer, do some irish dancing, he tells me a joke – Why do cows wear bells. because their horns don’t work, then we make out. I hope you liked it. I think my family did. Anyways there will be another part tomorrow. I’ll finish here for now.

Mormon Dress Code

Hello Funny One here. The world would be a really scary place if we all followed the “Mormon dress code.” And they are very strict. Here are some pictures of “Mormon approved clothes” and clothes are deemed “evil”. There is only one Mormon in these pictures and it’s not me!

In the “Modest Clothing” picture, you see I’m wearing an ugly brown dress. It looks like a sack of potatoes. There’s nothing good about it. I wouldn’t wear it even if I was given a million pounds. According to the “MDC”, all females must wear modest clothing at all times and never dress attractively as it “shows weakness for them to attract a male with her looks,“ and she should “use her mind to attract a man.” Does that mean using telepathic thoughts? I’m pretty sure that’ll never work (unless they know something and aren’t telling us!) A strapless gown is considered “evil” as it reveals too much flesh. It’s slutty to show off your shoulders. No Mormon women would ever be allowed to wear such “slutwear” It is most definitely unapproved. Men also have to follow the rules, too. In the “Modest Clothing” pic, the blonde Mormon is wearing a modest suit, which consists of a boring shirt and tie. Don’t get me started on the pants. These are pleated pants with self-belt are in the color poo.

In the picture of “Evil clothing” I’m wearing the “forbidden clothes”: hot pants, a spaghetti strap top with some cleavage on show and bright lipstick. I know what you’re thinking – that is so evil! I look like a dictator, or maybe even Satan! The rules for how women are to dress are absolutely NO skirts above the knee, absolutely NO cleavage and NEVER wear a spaghetti strap top, bikinis are never allowed, NO make up, NO heels over 3 inches and only buy clothes from your local thrift stores. I take it they don’t visit San Francisco much. What about the non-Mormon, in the “Evil Clothing” picture? He is wearing tight shorts, clearly showing off what package he has. The huge bulge in his shorts will “give females thoughts of a sexual nature.”, just as his t-shirt, with the slogan “Let’s get physical” would, too. Mormons would think he is implying he wants to have sex and that is “extremely evil.” Regarding grooming rules, men should keep their faces shaved, hair kept conservative and combed, and they must have clean nails. The unapproved Mormon haircut is to have wild shaggy hair which would tempt a woman. I can’t deny it, I would be very tempted. Hehehehe! The rules on the male dress code are that sometimes males can be scantily clad, however that is only acceptable when swimming. Remember, there is no reason why a man should be half naked before people. They will only have one thing on their minds – fornication.

As for underwear, the picture “Mormon Lingerie” shows me in some ugly, baggy, non-flattering underwear. I imagine it would be a nightmare to wear this stuff in the summer, you’ll be soaked in sweat. Yucky and smelly! They look so ugly. I wonder that if they buy all their clothes from thrift stores, would they also buy their underwear from there, too? That is just wrong! There is no way I’m buying used underpants. That’s disgusting! Someone farted in those panties! Yucky! Now back to the “Mormon Lingerie” picture. The Mormon is wearing the most ugly underwear I’ve ever seen in my life. Who the hell invented them? I want to know what they were thinking. I can’t look at it. It’s impossible for me to make a joke of them or even describe them. Words fail me right now.

In the “Devil’s Underwear” I’m wearing normal underwear which they would consider “very evil.” But those panties do look good. I think I’ll have to buy a pair of them. What about the non-Mormon, wearing normal underpants? The Mormon would think they were “sinful.” They’re definitely not evil, they’re just very distracting. I think they look great on him. I don’t know why they make such a big deal about underwear. Nobody can see what underwear a person is wearing with their clothes on.

Well anyways, I’ll finish here for now.

PANDA-MONIUM!!!

Hello Funny One here. Scotland’s First Minister, Alex Salmond, is having some furry big problems. And, no, not with his hairy pits, but with the pandas from China that are now living in Edinburgh Zoo. Both countries made a deal hoping that the pandas would mate and would increase their population (plus, he’s secretly hoping to make some extra cash from tourists.) Well, what do you know? They refuse to mate. Salmond is now going to extreme measures to try to get them to do it.

Exhibit A:
Salmond decides a movie might help get things moving along and decides to let them watch one of the cheesiest romantic movies available, “The Vow.” By viewing humans getting it on should have get things hot and steamy for the pandas, making them want to mate. The pandas get bored and start to fight.

Exhibit B:
OK, so romantic movies don’t work. Well, how about something really dirty and filthy! Salmond picks up a copy of his favorite book, “Fifty Shades of Grey” and reads to the pandas. Wild animals will surely like this, with him talking dirty. They’ll be mating in no time. The only thing that happens is that it makes him want to jump on them more!

Exhibit C:
Maybe a romantic meal with a little candlelight might work. Salmond buys a candle with the word “Celebrate!” printed on the side to celebrate their mating, but he doesn’t realize the word on the candle is actually “Celibate”. Does this work? No. Why would a candle work?

Exhibit D:
OK, well maybe the pandas are more visual. Salmond thinks that by giving the female panda a make-over to look like Julia Roberts in “Pretty Woman“, the male panda won’t be able to resist her and jump on her, just like he secretly wants to. Alex Salmond is really obsessed with hookers and pandas. His biggest sex fantasy is to have a threesome with a hooker and a panda, however I’m sure he’ll love this better – a hooker panda.

Exhibit E
Now getting super-desperate at this stage, Salmond will do anything and I mean anything, and starts to strip naked for them. (It doesn’t help that he’s doing it to Justin Bieber’s latest CD playing in the background) He actually thinks that when they see the sight of his crotch, it will turn them on, and soon come thoughts to him that he might look too good and they might want to have sex with him instead! (In his dreams!)

Exhibit F
Now with the idea of him being the ultimate sex-god, deciding that the pandas want him instead of each other, he now wants a threesome. Plus, he really wants to know what it’s like to have sex with not just one but two pandas. And they’d get to know what it’s like sleeping with the ultimate “sex machine.” Yuck! No one would want him!

In conclusion, Alex Salmond proves here that no matter how desperate one may be, they can’t make pandas mate. Anyways I’ll finish here for now.

Movie Review – Parental Guidance

Hello Funny One here. Today I went to the cinema with my sister (Miss Loca) to see the movie “Parental Guidance”. Artie (Billy Crystal) and Diane (Bette Midler) agree to looking after their three grandkids when their parents have to leave town for work. There are problems when the kids’ 21st-century behavior collides with Artie and Diane’s old-school methods. It’s a really funny movie. It was so funny when the Barker paints Artie’s face. I drew a picture of that. There are lots of funny things that happen in the movie like when Barker pees when Tony Hawk is skating and he slips on it. So funny! A great family comedy everyone will love. I would have to give this 5 stars

*****